You know those super flawless kisses in the movies when you’d see the earth rotate, the stars would come down, and the birds would hum a melody just to celebrate two people who cannot hold themselves till they get a room. Yeah that kind of kiss? That’s’ not the one I’m talking about.

Big ups to Hollywood because for the longest time I believed if the stars do not actually twinkle brighter and birds do not sing and the earth does not do a dance while in the process of the kiss, that was not the guy for me.

Wait… bring back your mind, calm down, I didn’t use my lips to do trial and error. (For any family member reading this it’s not what you think)

So anyway I had just left one school which I would still refer today as the best primary school I ever attended (I changed schools like underwear).  We had lunch prepared for us every day, we had our own lockers in the mini kitchen which contained private cutlery and plates. I was always top of my class, had a best friend, my life was great basically.

Then my parents happened. “That school is too easy for her, she has no competition, won ko wo dada( they don’t teach them well enough)”. You’re right my dear, my mum replied as she nodded in agreement with my dad and there went my great life.


So I moved to the school where I finally graduated. I started in primary 1, I guess I was about 5 or 6 and I haaaateeedddd the school. Unfamiliar faces, more kids in one class, no special lunch?! And no friend.

Fast forward to a term later, I still had no friend except some fake ones who just wanted to eat my snacks, but I had settled in a bit.

It was drawing close to the inter-house sport time and we had been doing a lot of practicing which brought about free periods! Who doesn’t love free periods plus our teacher was out gossiping with the primary 2 teacher- that would take a long while so we had all the time to play.

We had the most fun, played all the games and everyone had their own group, there was the nerd’s group, the wannabies, the rich kids, the cool kids etc… I didn’t really fit in any group.

So the class was practically upside down until Robert, the leader of coolest kids and the cutest kid (he was the only one with the punk haircut duhhhhh) gathered everyone and suggested that we all play Hide and seek, of course everyone agreed- please who are you to say no? kidssssss

We divided ourselves and I was part of the hiding group. Our chairs were long and joined with the tables so I could hide comfortably under it. I folded myself comfortably under a table, peaking at intervals to see what was going on, the seekers were steadily discovering us. I was already getting weary when I felt a presence behind me. I turned sharply making my head do a 1800, it hurt and I was about to express my pain when he put his finger across my mouth. It was Robert the cool kid.


“Don’t shout so they won’t know we’re here” Robert told me…in my young mind that was exciting we’ll be like the last set of people in hiding which makes us the winners. Okay then, I turned the remaining part of my body as I couldn’t bear the pain anymore. So we faced each other squarely

Suddenly Robert’s hand was on my cheeks and looking into my eyes, yep he did the ‘hold the face about to kiss you thing’ “look into my eyes, Robert said. ‘Why? i was about to protest…and then it happened. It was like 3 seconds of extreme shock for me. I was about 5 or 6 but my age had nothing to do with my mind. I knew what had happened.

Please I’m not talking about ‘Gu jun pyo and Geum jan di kiss’  (a Korean movie), it was full on open your mouth kinda kiss. Oya close your mouth I know you’re shocked.

I ran out but someone had seen us. Worst day ever, before I knew what was happening the snitch had told the whole class and everyone gathered round us.

If you thought I was mean calling those girls fake friends, they were the co- snitches (I’m still pained please).

We were scolded by all our classmates, I could hear all the horrible things they were saying about mostly me. I actually felt the earth rotate that day, I just wanted it to do one more trick; open up and swallow me…I wanted to speak and tell them I was innocent but no words came out.


Then the girls pulled me to one side and like some sort of mourning each of them started crying for me (mtchew). The boys on the other hand, stood by Robert who also felt sad but put on a brave face like the (I did what I did and I don’t regret it face). Worst day of my primary 1 life. The mourning went on for about an hour…i was forced to cry as a form of repentance and if I didn’t cry, they would tell the teacher, so cry I cried.

I mysteriously fell sick the next day and the day after. School what? Shame wanted to kill me. Robert traveled abroad after that term (nothing to do with what happened) and left me to suffer the disgrace alone.

I’m actually laughing as I write this…all through my primary school years whenever this event crossed my mind, I would ask; how did he know to do that? Had he been planning it? why did I freeze? How come I understood what he did? The oldest among us was probably 6 years old.

My conclusion is that there are no more naive children in the world. So when my nephew who is 9 years old closes his eye when he catches a glimpse of a kissing scene in a movie we’re watching and says what is thaaaattt? I laugh within myself, boy we know you know.



Thank you for reading! if you’ve been following the blog for a while you’ll know i’m a two time prodigal blogger. I apologize, i’m back for real and this time i’ll be sticking to telling stories and a bit of lifestyle. thank you for coming back, i appreciate you!


21 thoughts on “MY FIRST KISS!

  1. Lmaoo, this was hilarious Yinka!
    And it’s actually true, kids these days know these things!!!
    My first kiss was when I was 14 though, I’m not a boss chick like you😂😂
    I was scared outta my mindddd that’s all I remember. I was just imagining flashbacks of my mother catching me. Didn’t even last 1 minute. We’re still friends anyway but I don’t like to remember😩


  2. I love your writing style. Its so engaging. And may I add, not only movies all em novels you get to read that adds that scene. The vivid descriptions they give to us certainly is not from this earth😂


  3. 😂😂😂. Yinka, this was too funny. The part about crying as a form of repentance. 😂Because somehow as a kid it felt like if you cried before they found out, then they know you’re sorry and you’re already punishing yourself. Like I was actually LMAO. Love it! Will be waiting on more posts 🤗


  4. Lmao! Bad geh since primary school. My first kiss was the worst babe! He literally licked my tongue like a dog! N i said to him like is that it? He thought i meant is it that easy not knowing i meant where the hell did you learn that fool😂 it was forced too, err we need to teach young girls today n our kids to learn to say know and when necessary, tear slap! Love you Yinka Fire😉


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