After having many bad experiences with friendship, I gave up and I concluded that I didn’t need friends.
I was wrong.
Hi guys! Welcome back to the blog, today we’re talking about friendship and why friends are important.
So …. Disclaimer, I’m not here to give a lecture, I don’t know it all…but I’ll be sharing what I’ve learnt through experience, reading books and practiced in my life.
While friendship may seem like a conversation relatively meant for young people, the truth is that it is as relevant for adults. In actual fact we do worse at friendships than the young people.
A quick background story– up until three years ago, I couldn’t maintain a stable friendship, I had been betrayed many times. You know the how it goes with youngies- gossip and backbiting (tempted to call it slandering 🙂
Entering university, I could barely count my true friends on one hand. I then concluded that if this was what friendship looked like, I didn’t want it.
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity ( a difficult or unpleasant situation)– prov 17:17
But I realised that as much as we want to be independent (which is good), we are actually inter-dependent (note- NOT dependent).
Why do we need friends? Life is not designed for us to do alone and if we find the right friends we won’t have to. While friendships should not be overrated, it should definitely not be underrated.
The thing about friendships which most people don’t necessarily want to hear is that “it is give and take”.
What I mean is that one party cannot always be at the receiving end, one person cannot keep making the sacrifice- giving the time, giving support. It doesn’t have to be money (duhhhhh) but if your friend is not bringing something to the table, best believe it will wear you out or vice versa.
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens (and influences) another (through discussion)- prov 27:17
Another thing I discovered as I entered Uni was that your friends influence you whether you like it or not. Yes that’s right, though you have power to control the influence your close friends have over you, it is limited…hard pill to swallow right?
That’s why we should be intentional about choosing our friends. If you have chosen a person to be your close friend that means their opinion matters to you and they can influence your decisions which will ultimately affect your life… I once had a friend in junior secondary school who indirectly told me that when people offended you, you had to stop talking to them for as long as you can ( silly right).
But we were close and I took her word for it , that was where I learnt malice( it was still my choice though), took me till my 100L to get rid of it. While that is not common in adults, there sure are many things we have picked up from friends, many decisions that we have unintentionally decided to take based on the opinion of a friend. (Please note that I’m not saying that we can’t make our own decisions).
That is why we need good friends, friends that may not necessarily be the same as you or have the same exact goals but have the same belief system as you…friends with which you disagree to agree. If you’re ambitious, driven and goal oriented your closest friend should not be sloppy, lazy or lackadaisical. You will get tired.
At some point in a bad/ parasitic friendship, we come to realise that it is toxic and we are “unequally yoked” but sometimes we are in denial because of the attachment we have to them. For me I was so attached that I had to wait till I changed my location to cut off my connection with that person.
Reaching out to people
Not all great friendships happen by chance sometimes you have to reach out, be sincere and the scary part; be vulnerable.
First hand experience? Often times choosing to be vulnerable is a sign of strength & courage not weakness…
“if everybody is pointing fingers then who is the villain”?
We are quick to point fingers and accuse another person but it is important that we should check ourselves often, sometimes you may be what is wrong with the friendship. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it just means you need to consciously work on yourself. I was once the one not reaching out, I was once the one not being sincere, and I was once the one not giving so much while expecting a lot. I had to admit that and I had to work on myself.
ABSOLUTELY No shame in working to better yourself.
I said earlier that we need good friends but more importantly we need to be good friends.
so that’s it on navigating friendships, I hope to talk more about this in the future.
Thank you for reading!
Have you had any transitioning experience from a bad to a good friendship? Or have you lost a good friend while being unaware that you needed to adjust? Lets talk in the comment section