“SCARRED “

SCARRED Copyright ✔ December 2015. All rights reserved.
No part of this story may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronical or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written permission of the author

This is general for all of my stories, they could be fiction or nonfiction. For the fiction, names, characters places and incidents either are products of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely coincidential.

I do not own any pictures, it shall be stated if otherwise. Thank you.

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It was Tolu’s wedding finally. After months of planning he eventually settled on a date. We were all stressed out from dancing all night and I could feel people’s eyes on me like “she’s next”!. By next I mean next to get married, since my immediate elder brother just did. But why were they looking at me right? I would get to that shortly. But first I must take mother up stairs to sleep. It was so obvious she was very tipsy from the wine she had been drinking. I know dad well enough to declare that for mum’s sake he insisted Tolu have his wedding at the garden, it was a big garden though…almost the size of the house. “I have to focus more”, I told myself as mum nearly tripped on the stairs.

Dad nodded and smiled gently at me, I managed to curve my lips upward, that was the closest thing to a smile I had given him in 2 years after he showed up for my graduation instead of going for an important business Meeting in New York. I scoffed as he rolled his eyes at mum because of her tipsiness. She could never get used to to the wine and yet she’d insist on taking it everytime we had a party. Dad adored her, even after 31 years of marriage he would still look at her with so much love in his eyes, one could tell. I covered her and helped her with her shoes,she didn’t even seem to know I was there.

I walked back to the garden…just two couples were dancing now. I had only danced with my brother and my dad and that was just to get those Yoruba women off my back since I spitefully turned down the request of all other men. They kept staring at me like I was an alien…again why would they? I will get to that shortly.

The DJ changed the music, it was my favourite artiste “Lana Del ray”. I don’t know why but her instrumentals run deep into my mind…like it just hit the right string everytime. I turned over my seat to have another glass of wine, when someone tapped me. “Excuse me, can I have this dance?…uh? Did people really still say that? I thought to myself, getting irritated already. I turned to match the voice with a face, it was one of the groom’s men. I rolled my eyes to express disgust but He still stood there holding out his hand firmly but with pleading eyes. I still don’t know why I accepted  that dance till today. He wasn’t really a stranger, he worked in the same firm as my brother but we never really talked. We were on the dance floor now, and he didn’t make any attempt to have a conversation, I appreciated that…I was in no talking mood.

Now to the reason why everyone had their eyes on me. I was 24 and had never brought a guy home even as a friend…only I knew the reason and I didn’t mind the look all of those women gave me. My mum had given me enough of those looks that I’m pretty resistant to them now.

5th of July, ten years ago. If things had gone differently that day, I would probably be married by now. I remember being a kid and wanting to have a family like ours….it is one of the last things on my list now, actually it isn’t on my list at all.

So back to my story Dad just came back from one of usual trips to the United States for a business meeting. Though it was very late I stayed up and waited for his arrival, he carried me and spun me around, I stayed up for just that. Yes I was daddy’s girl…i’m not so sure about that now, our relationship was damaged beyond repair. A colleague came along with him since he couldn’t reach his destination that night, my father offered him our house for the night. Tolu was already asleep and mum had travelled to see grandma, so I was left to prepare the room for him. I started to lay the bed, when my dad called out for me.

Mum had been in an accident, he had to leave straightaway. I just stood there and spaced out… I was so scared. I gradually began to move slowly to the bed I was laying, I was thinking about mom and before I knew it a hand grabbed me. I screamed and turned around… it was my father’s colleague. He laughed, but it was in a mocking kind of way but then he said he was only trying to cheer me up. I reluctantly turned and Continued to clean the room. I heard the door shut but I still felt his presence in the room.i swung around and he was right behind me. I can remember those eyes clearly they were hard and they held no emotion.

He grabbed me and practically threw me on the bed, by this time I was screaming on top of my voice, but nobody came to my aid. He tore my clothes and covered my mouth, he was so strong I tried, I tried to break free. He started to undress himself and it was another chance to scream, I screamed my brother’s name. Then he slapped my face and hit me countless times, I was becoming tired, he put his hand over my mouth again. Tears were dropping from my eyes, he didn’t even look at them. He finished undressing somehow and I knew it was over…I had already lost. He was on top of me and I shut my eyes,I can’t describe how horrible it was….He kept on and on. His hand slipped from my mouth and I managed to scream again. Sometimes I still blame myself maybe I didn’t scream enough….

“Ar…areyou alright? His words brought me back to reality, I was holding him too tight and I didn’t even realise that tears were falling from my eyes now, yes they were practically falling. I looked around and saw that we were the only ones on the dance floor everybody else became spectators. I became more embarrassed… like he understood he led me back to my seat, I walked slowly making sure to hang my head downwards to avoid my tears being revealed.

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I screamed that last scream with all of my remaining strength….how could Tolu not hear??? Where was my father? I had given up, shutting my eyes…just then his phone rang distracting him from  tearing the rest of my clothes… I picked up the fork by his food and stabbed his arm, he groaned in pain but I didn’t care, I ran to the door, and ran out. I didn’t even expect the door to be opened. Stupid as I was I ran to my room and locked the door, I ran under my bed. He started to hit the door and was threatening to knock it down, I knew he could he was a really huge man. I just lay there under my bed.

After some time he didn’t hit the door again…i was more afraid than relieved. I don’t remember what happened again, but I woke up to a really dark place in the morning… I finally remembered I was under my bed , I crawled out and shouted my dad’s name there was still no answer. Someone knocked the door and I was too afraid to answer. “Lola, open the door! It was my brother, I rushed to open the door, he stepped back when he saw me…”what happened to you? Why do you have a mark on your face and why are your arms red? I remember muttering that I fell but I knew he didn’t buy it. I asked about the man, stuttering as I asked. My brother watched me closely and I avoided his gaze. “What are you hiding? I suddenly became very angry. Why would he care now? I called and called him the night before! When he saw that I wouldn’t answer he told me that the man had left early that morning and that dad came home in the middle of the night to get mum’s things, that explained why he stopped knocking. I should have felt relieved uh? No I was mad as hell! I wanted him to pay.

My dad didn’t return home until  a week later, sending my aunt to constantly check up on us. I had started to resent him in my heart…He was never there for anything, even when I needed him the most he wasn’t there! I avoided my brother like a plague i resented him too…He was sleeping when his sister was being abused. He tried countless times to talk to me…. After some time I stared thinking he wasn’t sleeping at all that night I had all manners of dreams and all kinds of thought of how I would murder the man. How I would destroy his home by revealing to everyone.

After dad returned, I thought I could tell him…I couldn’t. I was ashamed. And it got worse when my dad announced that his business parter had left his country with his family. I remember that day….I cried bitterly I couldn’t carry out my plan, looking forward to my plan was my only comfort…I didn’t even have a particular plan I just wanted to see him suffer the way i was suffering. I was the loser here.

None of the relationship I’d been in lasted up to 6 months,  I was either being too defensive or conceited at least that’s what they said. Even when I tried to make things work I would bail the second it seemed serious

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A sad smile came across my face as I finished telling this story to my boyfriend 6 months after Tolu’s wedding….After that night of my breakdown, this guy I danced with came everyday to the house…even when I threw his gift on his face he still managed a smile always…I ended up dating him they came easy to me I knew it would end at some point and he’d get tired. But we’re six months into this relationship and I began to get scared so I thought my story would scare him off…I still had my revenge plan, I had succeeded in tracking the monster as he got back to the country.

James, that’s his name,my boyfriend did the strangest thing he hugged me and told me to forgive…He said I’d stop hurting if I forgave…I became so mad stricken with anger, how could he? I thought he would understand… I wiped my tears and walked away not even turning back as i slammed the door to his house and he let me go. I should be happy but I didn’t like the feeling of being abandoned…I did the abandoning. I didn’t even care where I was anymore I broke down where I was, in the middle of the street, it was like 10 years of pain being assembled into one day. And then I felt his hands wrapped around me, “let it out, lola”. This is the beginning.

_______________________

I was actually seated in a church, I only went to churches on Christmas, easter and new year and that was because my grandmother would insist.  Dad never went to church so it wasn’t necessary for me to either  but there I was seated in a church and it wasn’t easter or Christmas or even new year. It was just a casual Sunday in  the month of February. I was seated beside the man that would probably become my husband. He had been trying to get me to do this for the past one year since I met him. I remembered six months ago, before my meltdown…He told me of how his mother was murdered right before his eyes and how after five years of pain, hatred and resentment, he went to the prison where the murderer was just to tell him he forgave him…how was that possible i questioned him? He spoke about christ and forgiveness. He spoke of christ many times, like he was a friend. I just knew him as a strong powerful person up in heaven watching the earth and doing nothing.

I was jeered back to reality when everybody started clapping, I joined in too not knowing why. Then the pastor climbed the podium, and the clapping died down. “Praise the Lord! He said and we all replied the conventional “hallelujah”. What I didn’t understand was why people were saying it with this look of…Some sort of belief in the word. ” Today, church I am going to talk about love and forgiveness” . Was this real? Did James tell the pastor what to preach? I glanced at him for answers but he just squeezed my hand instead and focused on the pastor…deep down I knew he didn’t tell the pastor anything.

It was the beginning of my new life

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